Adult Child Links

For creating a connection with our “True Self”

ACA for inner peace and serenity.

Success in ACA is not measured with money or social status, but with inner peace and serenity. We share our experience, strength and hope with each other as we laugh together, cry together and know that we are home.

SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace, and people everywhere possibly could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has been, up to now, a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world. Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:
– A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences
– An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
– A loss of interest in judging other people
– A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
– A loss of interest in conflict
– A loss of the ability to worry &this is a very serious symptom
– Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
– Contented feelings of connection with others and nature
– Frequent attacks of smiling
– An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
– An increased susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it

ACA is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition support group focused on understanding the specific behavior and attitude patterns we developed while growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional environment.  These patterns continue to affect us today.

By attending regular meetings we come to a better understanding of our past so we can more effectively restructure our lives today.  We begin to see more clearly what is positive and healthy in ourselves.

ACA is not a replacement for addicts working an abstinence program in other Twelve Step fellowships.  However, Adult Children of Alcoholics is often the only program for many adult children recovering from the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, including the effects of alcoholism and drug addiction.  (Adapted from the ACA Fellowship textbook.)

Meetings are intended to be safe places where we can share our experience, strength and hope without judgement or criticism.  We have the right not to share unless we are ready.

This program is grounded in spiritual guidance and not affiliated with any specific religion.  We are individuals struggling through rigorous honesty to become the best we can be.  We respect one another’s anonymity.  Who we encounter at meetings and what they have said there is treated confidentially.

We meet together to share our experience, strength, hope and fear; we offer friendship and understanding.  We love one another in a very special way.  We welcome you to join us.

Since each meeting is autonomous, and each meeting is a different experience, we recommend that you try as many different ones as possible before deciding if the ACA program can be helpful to you in your journey from discovery to recovery.

Keep coming back.

The help for your
“True Self”

The Bill of Rights for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families

This document is in development and will be subject to review by ACA WSO Board of Trustees and approval by the fellowship.
We welcome all comments from the fellowship to assist in the final review of this piece of literature. Please submit any feedback between now and the end of December 2020.
You can share your feedback by sending an e-mail to liteval@acawso.org
Lists the Rights of an adult child of an alcoholic and/or a dysfunctional family.

The ACA Bill of Rights
1) I have the right to say no.
2) I have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
3) I have the right to detach from anyone in whose company I feel humiliated or manipulated.
4) I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
5) I have the right to be wrong.
6) I have the right to make mistakes and learn from them.
7) I have the right to make my own choices and decisions in my life.
8) I have the right to grieve any actual or perceived losses.
9) I have the right to all of my feelings.
10) I have the right to feel angry, including towards someone I love.
11) I have the right to change my mind at any time.
12) I have the right to a spiritually, physically, and emotionally healthier existence, though it may deviate entirely or in part from my parents’ way of life.
13) I have the right to forgive myself and to choose how and when I forgive others.
14) I have the right to take healthy risks and to experiment with new possibilities.
15) I have the right to be honest in my relationships and to seek the same from others.
16) I have the right to ask for what I want.
17) I have the right to determine and honor my own priorities and goals, and to leave others to do the same.
18) I have the right to dream and to have hope.
19) I have the right to be my True Self.
20) I have the right to know and nurture my Inner Child.
21) I have the right to laugh, to play, to have fun, and the freedom to celebrate this life, right here, right now.
22) I have the right to live life happy, joyous, and free.

In finding our
“True Self”
Call to Service for ACANetherlands.com

ACANetherlands.com is an International English speaking and Dutch ACA Group. We are expanding and looking for English or Dutch speaking people from anywhere in the world that would like to step-up for service for this world wide group inclusive to all nationalities.
If you would like to help and do service as chair, meeting leaders, back up chair, back up meeting leader or helping out on meetings with screen sharing, mic monitoring for existing or new meetings it doesn’t matter where you live in the world, please let us know.
We are looking for people from all over the world that would like to step up for existing or new meetings on existing or new time slots.

Please write to us on acanl @ protonmail .com
Thank you.

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For recovery of our
True Self”
ACA’s Ready Set Go!!

Ready Set GO!! introduces the ACA newcomer during 6 closed online introductory meetings with one session per week upto 2 hours per session in a timeframe of 6 weeks, with screen sharing – the ACA program, the ACA 12 Steps and an Inner Child Workshop “Awakening My Little One”

Click here for the Final RSG DVD

Email: Toni at acatoni5617 @ comcast. net with any questions about RSG.

A request from RSG Toni: “Can you read these workshop slides first (The Steps and Our Inner Child Using ACA’s Tools to Make Peace With Our Past) before joining ACA’s Ready Set Go!!”

Click here to read the workshop slides


To discover our
“True Self”

Workshop Slide Decks From ACA World Convention 2020

These are the slide decks from the ACA workshops presented at the 2020 virtual ACA World Convention, Global Connections strengthen my recovery.  Click here

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Addressing Predatory Behavior Tent Card

This safety card is available for use in all meetings. click here to download the safety card. The Literature Committee is requesting fellowship feedback on the card’s value and effectiveness. Please email comments to liteval@acawso.org

Anonymity & Privacy

In keeping with Traditions of the program, and to protect the anonymity of others, we suggest that you participate from a quiet, private location where you will not be interrupted by anyone, including children, babies or pets. Please treat this as you would a face-to-face meeting. If this is not possible, we suggest the use of earphones so others on the call cannot be heard.

What you hear at each meeting should remain at that meeting. We do not talk about another person’s story or experiences to other people. Please respect the anonymity of those who share with us in the meetings. Please read No Cross Talk
https://acanetherlands.com/no-cross-talk/

Read our Steps, Traditions our Concepts here
https://acanetherlands.com/12-steps-12-traditions-12-concepts/


Zoom

To participate with the Zoom meetings is free. There is no need to register, no account needed, no invite needed, or sign up to join our Zoom meetings. Once Zoom is installed just click on – join a meeting – using the Zoom ID, or click on the Meeting ID of this website to startup Zoom to join the meeting of the current hour and day. You can download Zoom for clients from here.

Joining a Zoom meeting by phone only, using a traditional phone.
You can join a Zoom meeting by using a traditional phone. Dial an in-country number. If you dial a toll number, your carrier rates will apply. You can find the numbers on your meeting invitation or a full list of international dial-in numbers at:
https://zoom.us/u/acxr2DdJEk
You will be prompted to enter the meeting ID – the nine (9), ten (10), or eleven (11) digit ID provided by the meeting list here on this page, followed by # (hash, hash sign, pound sign or hashtag ).

Phone controls for participants, using a traditional phone.
The following commands can be entered via DTMF tones using your phone’s dial pad while in a Zoom meeting:
*6 – Toggle mute/unmute
*9 – Raise hand

The Zoom meetings are audio only, we do not use the video function. Group chat is available at the end of each meeting.
Important Notice Please update your Zoom app to version 5.0 now. After May 30, 2020, all Zoom clients on older versions will receive a forced upgrade when trying to join meetings as GCM Encryption will be fully enabled across the Zoom platform. Click here for more information.


Online Meeting Best Practices

When using Zoom it’s best to quit all other programs, especially Skype, Whatsapp, Viber, Facetime or other applications that use the microphone and video.

Top Tips

Calculating the Timezone can be tricky. On your smartphone or device, use the world-clock then add Amsterdam – then you’ll see exactly how long till the meeting starts.

Use a world-clock application to help with the meeting start time.

We suggest bookmarking this page, you can even access the meeting by clicking once on the Zoom ID Hyperlink for each meeting.


Helps Finding Your
“True Self”
7th Tradition or Donation- PayPal

The group is self supporting and relies fully on voluntary contributions from us to pay all the expenses. This group does the 7th tradition or donations by making a donation into the Intergroup’s bank account. The funds are used to pay the zoom account​, the website​, get other online tools, organize events, workshops, study groups, parent other meetings and other costs. Contributions may be made by PayPal, by sending it from a Paypal account to our Paypal account on

aca.netherlands.global ​​@ gmail .com
Thank you


Discovering the
“True Self”

ACA PSA’sPublic Service Announcements)

These two audio Public Service Announcements are ready for distribution to radio stations, via the internet and anywhere audio mp3 files can be played for the public. The ACA World Service Organization asks that you update us with the contact info of the radio stations or other places where these are sent. Please submit this information to information@acawso.com.
We would like to know the name of the station or entity they are sent to, the contact person’s full name, the address including street, city, state, country, and zip if applicable. We also would like to have an email and/or phone number of the contact.
The MPS (Member and Public Services) Committee will be compiling a master list to cross reference. We will also begin our own push to get these PSAs out and will develop sample letters to send with the PSAs. These will be made available to the membership as soon as we get them ready. Email inquiries about this material can be sent to information@acawso.com.
If anyone asks for a copyright release for the background music, please refer them to mpschair@adultchildren.org. We have this information available in a blanket license. https://acawso.org/2018/03/01/15-and-30-second-audio-psas-now-available-for-download-and-distribution/

Click here for the 15 Second ACA PSA (Public Service Announcement).


Click here for the 30 Second ACA PSA (Public Service Announcement).


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For becoming
Your
“True Self”

ACA’s literature terms

Inner Child, – Loving Parent, – Reparenting, – True Selves, – Emotional Sobriety, Emotional Detoxification, – Emotional Intoxication, False Self, – Critical Parent, Para alcoholics, Codependency., Twelve Step program, Twelve Traditions, Principles, Higher Power, Dysfunction, Alcoholism, Addiction, Neglect, Abuse, Unhealthy Behaviour, People Pleasing, Approval Seeking, Self-sacrificial, Judgmental

Is Something Missing in Your Recovery?

Recovering alcoholics or addicts owe their lives to the 12 Steps. But over time, many of us battle a vague sense that something is missing in our sobriety. Even as we go to meetings, defects and twisted emotions stubbornly remain.
If you grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, there is hope. ACA is an anonymous 12-Step fellowship that helps you find Emotional Sobriety—the deep healing of mind, body and spirit first envisioned by Bill W.
In ACA, children of dysfunctional families experience unconditional self-love, with the help of our Higher Power. We slowly release the distorted thinking and discontent that are legacies of our upbringing.
Working these ACA Steps and ACA Traditions means developing an understanding of how these Steps apply to us in our daily lives. Working these Steps and Traditions requires reading, writing, sharing, and living our understanding of these Steps and Traditions. We do so with the tools that follow in the light of our identification with “The Problem” and our understanding of “The Solution”
ACA is not a substitute for alcohol or any other addiction sobriety, but it strengthens our recovery in finding our True Self.

How to Be Your True Self in a Society That Worships False Selves?

As adults, most of us seemed to have relationships in which we dominated people or worshipped people. Most of us were discreet about these two extremes. But when we think about it, we can agree that we have been near one end or the other of these two positions. There seemed to be no middle ground or equality in our relationships with another person. Many of us thought we were either superior or inferior. We seemed to never feel like we were good enough for our friends or others and we realize we’re not being honest with ourselves, our True Selves. When the realization comes that True Self is in hiding, the “False Self” is, a defense designed to protect the True Self by hiding it, and people don’t know how to be the True Self in Society that is where ACA can help. To lay down the defense mechanism the “False Self” to go for the solution of ones own re-parenting to become ones own Loving Parent, becomes meaningful by allowing to meet and then become your True Self.

A Feeling and an Unfeeling Self

To protect ourselves from the disorienting effects of living with confusion and pain, we divide into a feeling and unfeeling self and isolate ourselves from our own vulnerability. We alternate between the extremes of wanting to escape our isolation and the need to stay securely hidden in our familiar prison of pain. Our beliefs and behaviors become rigid and inflexible, and we swing from the depths of isolated depression to frantic attempts to find help in the outside world. We endlessly repeat the cycle of frustration, rage and despair, but the goal of the divided self remains the same as it was in childhood: to become whole once again and to find happiness, peace, and joy.

The disease of family dysfunction manifests itself in dependency, addiction, and dissociative personalities. As adults we continue to control ourselves and our relationships in an unhealthy manner. We relied on controlling our feelings and emotions to survive in our homes and relationships.Control meant a sense of safety and predictability. This brought and brings abandonment or predictable turmoil.
We believe in a spiritual solution for the disease of family dysfunction for coming into our True Self. The ACA adapted Steps are designed specifically to help the adult child to become our True Self. They are designed to address trauma and neglect in addition to addressing the addictiveness of the adult child personality. The ACA Twelve Steps address shame, abandonment, fear, and a deep sense of being flawed, while also leading the Step worker to self-worth, self-forgiveness, and a true connection to a Higher Power through the Inner Child

To get to your
“True Self”

Emotional Healthy

In ACA we reparenting ourselves, to further remove the “buttons” that have been pushed by others to manipulate us or to get a reaction out of us. To become our own Loving Parent and through a Loving Parent inside, we gain greater independence from codependence. We find the skills to support our need to become independent people. We intuitively know what we need and what we can live without. We will learn to act as an actor to people, places, things and circumstances. We learn to truly see, listen and understand the present moment, the point between past and future. We learn to live and let live and become our “True Self”.

Not longer responding to life with childhood survival traits that gives unsure feelings about oneself. Learning on another way to respond to people, places, things and circumstances. To become Emotionally Healthy, living in full harmony with ones own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors for coming into our True Self. For more information please visit

https://adultchildren.org

For free ACA Literature click here: https://adultchildren.org/free-literature-english-translated/

In addition to alcoholic and addicted families, there are at least five other family types that can produce Adult Children:
• Homes with mental illness in the parent(s).
• Homes with hypochondriac parent(s).
• Homes with ritualistic beliefs, harsh punishment, and extreme secretiveness, often with ultra-religious, militaristic, or sadistic overtones. Some of these homes expose children to battery and other forms of criminal abuse.
• Homes with covert or actual sexual abuse, including incest and inappropriate touching or dress by the parent(s).
• Perfectionistic, shaming homes in which expectations are often too high and praise is typically tied to an accomplishment rather than given freely.

How to become
your
“True Self”
The way to
your
“True Self”

Thank you for being here. It is time to give ACA a go and to work the ACA program. Working these ACA Steps and ACA Traditions requires reading, writing, sharing, and living our understanding of these ACA Steps, ACA Traditions and ACA Concepts.
To find ACA Emotional Sobriety— the deep healing of mind, body and spirit in becoming your “True Self”. To be Happy Joyous and Free at last

ACA Nederland, ACA Holland, Dutch ACA, Nederlandse ACA, Nederlandstalige ACA, Nederlandssprekende ACA, ACA International, ACA Global, ACA Worldwide, ACA Europe, ACA West Europe,

What Does ACA Recovery Look Like?

By working the Twelve Steps of ACA and by attending meetings regularly, we begin to realize that ACA recovery involves emotional sobriety*. That is what ACA recovery looks like. But what is emotional sobriety?
To understand emotional sobriety, we must first understand emotional intoxication, which is also known as para-alcoholism. Para-alcoholism represents the mannerisms and behaviors we developed by living with an alcoholic or dysfunctional parent. As children, we took on the fear and denial of the alcoholic or nondrinking parent without taking a drink.
Emotional intoxication can be characterized by obsession and unhealthy dependence. There also can be compulsion. Even without drugs and alcohol, we can be “drunk” on fear, excitement or pain. We can also be drunk on arguing, gossip, or self-imposed isolation.
In essence the Laundry List, the 14 traits of an adult child, offers a textbook example of the behaviors and attitudes that characterize an emotionally intoxicated person. We fear authority figures and judge ourselves harshly while being terrified of abandonment. Without help, we seek out others to reenact our family dynamics. We can recreate our family dysfunction at home and on the job indefinitely until we find ACA. This means that our adult relationships resemble the template relationship we developed as children to survive an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional home. We find others to create chaos, conflict, or unsafe relationships.
Emotional sobriety involves a changed relationship with self and others. We measure emotional sobriety by the level of honesty, mutual respect, and the acceptability of feelings in our relationships. If our relationships are still manipulative and controlling, we are not emotionally sober no matter what we tell ourselves about our recovery program. Emotional sobriety means that we are involved in changed relationships that are safe and honest. We feel a nearness to our Higher Power. We cultivate emotional sobriety through the Twelve Steps and through association with other recovering adult children.

“Emotional sobriety was formally introduced to the ACA fellowship through the Identity Papers. The 1986 paper, “Finding Wholeness Through Separation: The Paradox of Independence,” shows the genesis of emotional sobriety. The possibility of emotional sobriety is created through the broadening and deepening of the Steps and Traditions.

Helps Finding Your
“True Self”
7th Tradition or Donation- PayPal

This group is self supporting and relies fully on voluntary contributions from all of us to pay all the expenses. This group does the 7th tradition or donations by making a donation into the Intergroup’s bank account. The funds are used to pay the zoom account​, the website​, get other online tools, organize events, workshops, study groups, parent other meetings and other costs. Contributions may be made by PayPal, by sending it from a Paypal account to our Paypal account on

aca.netherlands.global ​​@ gmail .com
Thank you

All ACA groups or meetings that would like to join ACA Nederlands – ACA Intergroup IG#711 for help and support more than are welcome.
We also would like to start to communicate with other Intergroups to work together and look for possibilities to form a Region for a better growth and unification of ACA in the world.

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Courage to change
to your
“True Self”

ACA Nederlands – ACA Intergroup IG#711
ACA Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

ACANL @ protonmail .com